


Silly Boy

by mellish



Category: Death Note
Genre: Gen, Good, Police, self-confidence issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-20
Updated: 2008-09-20
Packaged: 2017-10-29 07:06:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellish/pseuds/mellish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows average like the back of his hand.  Matsuda-centric; mentions Light, L, and the task force.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silly Boy

**Author's Note:**

> For week #25 - Silence over at dn_contest on lj.

Matsuda knows what it means to be average as well as the back of his hand, or the bottom of a beer bottle. He knows it with the painful clarity of someone who’s never been on a third date, who’s never won a contest, who never had a medal to bring home to his parents, except for that time in third grade when the teacher dubbed him as _most courteous_. He remembers it now, Miss Matsumoto patting his head and handing him a little yellow ribbon; he had a whopping crush on her and he was seeing red because he was blushing so hard and he got all tongue-tied when she said, “Good job, Matsu-chan!” so he just went “Y-y-yuh.” The next semester she left school to be wed to her honey in the provinces, and he was so heartbroken he talked back to the replacement teacher and got several demerits in conduct.

That was the last award he ever got. He nearly reached third honors in high school, except he spectacularly failed the last three Pre-Calculus tests and had to take summers for it, which made him ineligible for any special mention. In the yearbook, they nominated him _Most Likely to Die in an Accident._

He’s lucky to be on the task force as it is; his family has produced some good cops before, and his father had a few connections they were able to tap into. Matsuda always wanted to fight the good fight: to protect the innocent and weak, to uphold justice, to vanquish all criminals – basically he always had a burning desire to be Gatchaman, but when he learned that wasn’t possible, he decided that being a policeman was the next best thing. Unfortunately, even _this_ role he can’t play as perfectly as he’d like – he still makes a dumb comment every so often, still makes the chief’s coffee too black, still gets bad hair days whenever he happens to bump into a cute girl. (Last week he got as far as _I’m actually part of a very top-secret special mission right now, but if you let me buy you a drink_ – except at that point she looked apologetically at her watch and thanked him for picking up her dropped apples, only she really had to go already, it was nice meeting him and all).

Nice. He gets that comment a lot.

It’s better than average. Not too descriptive, but at least it’s positive. He could use a lot more of _nice_.

Besides, he wasn’t lying. He _is_ part of a very top-secret special mission. If Ryuuzaki is to be believed, then he’s even seen the face of the most elusive person on earth: the great detective L. He could be working with _L_ on the _Kira_ case, the most important case in the entire history of the _world_.

Never mind that all his deductions have turned out wrong so far; and that oftentimes Aizawa or Ide gives him this look that sort of says, _okay, you better keep quiet now_. Never mind that Light is a couple of years younger and has a really hot and popular girlfriend and is already so much more beneficial to this investigation than Matsuda is; never mind that the Chief sometimes tells him, in a very considerate tone, that _if he ever feels as if he can’t handle it, if he ever wants to stop risking his life like this, then he is very much welcome to_. They won’t hold it against him, or anything.

He wouldn’t _dream_ of leaving the case. It’s the most exciting thing that has ever happened to him, and he honestly believes in their cause. Besides, if he backed out now, that would make him a quitter and a humongous loser.

He has to stop himself wondering if they’d miss him. If they’d notice. His efforts are appreciated, and he _knows_ that. But it’s easy to doubt one’s importance when one is in a room of geniuses and ex-police officials; it’s easy to doubt one’s intelligence when he opens his mouth and makes a very strong point, something he thinks is _really clever_ and he has thought about it all night, and everyone just stares blankly until L says, impassive around a mouthful of sugar, “Thank you for that insight. Now, moving along…”

Sometimes he catches himself just sitting down on the plush couches twiddling his thumbs, and he thinks, _what the HELL am I doing?!_ The worst part is, he honestly can’t answer.

Not unless he admits to himself that the only thing going for him is his perseverance; his dedication; maybe his smile, for a stretch, because everyone else seems to prefer frowning. Without these things, he’s just stark naked and very painfully _average_. Looks, brains, talents. Even his freaking haircut.

But he isn’t thinking that. He isn’t thinking anything. He’s staring into the beer bottle he finds in his hand, focusing on the little serial number and the LTD imprint; and he’s not thinking about how the next time he’ll walk into headquarters, and sit down there next to everyone else like he deserves to, and say something relevant and correct, beginning with _it is my suspicion that…_. Or maybe _I think this is the next course of action we should try_ , and L will go “That is a possibility” and Light will say “Wow Matsuda even I didn’t think of that” and the Chief will declare “I always knew you had the smarts” while Aizawa and Ide stare open-mouthed.

He finishes the bottle and he thinks _it was average_ , and then he goes to headquarters.

He sits down and when L asks, “What do you think?” he smiles and listens to everyone else’s opinions, quietly.

They arrive at what seems to be a very good conclusion, and the next day the plan is set into action.


End file.
